Give someone a good death is one of the chapters in “The Algebra of Happiness” book by Scott Galloway. It’s not about killing someone in a good way. It’s about making the end of life experience of someone that you love the best that it could be. He shared his story about his experience looking after his mother with terminal cancer.
So when my beautiful mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer and we were advised to focus on palliative therapy only, I was immediately reminded of the story. My goal became crystal clear. Satu aje mission. It was about giving my mother a good death.
First thing was to spend as much time as possible with her. I would go and see her every 1-2 days. Normally it’s for dinner but sometimes lunch pun pergi jugak. Luckily my office was only 20mins away from her house. When it’s my turn to take her for her regular dialysis, I would also stay with her during the 4 hours of dialysis. I would be setting up the iPad for her to watch her favourite TV programmes, either Majalah 3, Nona or Jalan-Jalan Cari Makan, and massage her legs when the muscle cramps starts.
Second thing was to do whatever that she wishes to do. She loved roti canai for breakfast so every Sunday morning I would take her to Restoren Odin for roti canai and teh tarik. We were a regular there so the waiter knew what we wanted each time. Tak payah order, he knew already. 2 roti canai, 1 teh tarik & 1 air suam. She’s very particular about where she buys her beef so I would take her to this Pasar Tani in Sungai Buloh so that she can buy some fresh beef from this lady on some Sundays.
Third thing was to make her as comfortable as possible towards the end. We hired a nurse to help out when necessary. We rented a home oxygen machine to make it easier for her to breathe at home. We got in contact with the palliative care team in PPUM and Kasih Hospis in PJ who were so incredibly supportive and helpful and gave me all the required equipment and medication to keep her comfortable. Hanya Allah boleh membalas budi.
So that was how we were living for the last 12 months of my mum’s life as she slowly deteriorated. And at the end, when she finally decided that she didn’t want to go dialysis anymore, I was fully supportive of her decision. I knew what to expect and she also knew what was going to happen. She died peacefully at home surrounded by her children just like she wanted.
That was 6 months ago. 22/3/22
I love you mum.
